Sufferings and Miseries

1. When all are one then why poverty is there?
When the same Electric Power works why is there a difference in the functioning of Fan, blub, computer screen and etc.,? Master has answered the question in many of his articles and it is better to read and understand the same.

2. Once when my ulcers in the throat were burning so badly that I had to literally walk around the house for one hour in the middle of the night not knowing what to do and the thought that would death be easier did cross my mind.
When did you face death that you think you can compare your pain with that? All this simple verbosity.

3. Know my weaknesses to some extent but the firmness in following the path is lacking.
I know nothing which brings more suffering as does an untamed, uncontrolled, unattended and unrestrained heart. Such a heart is sure messenger of suffering always. Instead if you can remember the Master rather than worry about your progress you may feel better.

4. Need help: (a) I desperately need help to get out of the problem of “Fear”. There are a few fears that are causing lot of trouble. (b) The fear that whatever I do is wrong or will be wrong is adding to the already existing confusion. (c) The fear that the mistakes would be blunders which would cause serious trouble in the spiritual pursuit.
These are all unfounded fear or apprehensions. It is an explicit sign of low self image you have. It is good and at the same time bad. Good because this promotes humility which you have already expressed in this mail. Bad because this will make you lose the faith you should have in reaching the goal. No one can harm us because everything is a result of past actions. Read commandments of the Master carefully again and again and you will be able to accept this philosophy easily. Do work but do not think it is you who is doing and it is only Masters orders and it is in fact He who is doing. This will enable you to be stable in Parabrahmand to which you have already the necessary access.

5. It occurred to me in my last bout of miseries that I felt like a dirtied cloth in laundry machine. It felt inconvenient and miserable being twisted & cleaned like a cloth but I was reminded of the Master saying that the Master's eyes are upon us. Perhaps the Master was cleaning me of the ideas I had formed.
Master has a lot of other important works than to cleanse us all the time. What you say as Masters statement is placed out of context. You talk of miseries and drift with ease to something related to cleaning and the pain thereof.

More on Sufferings and Miseries:

1. God is always with us and it is we who try to be unmindful of Him or else seek Him elsewhere. Your connection to the Master of the Order is very firm and straight and you should not feel that He is away from you. The problems that we face are only affectionate intimations from the Master and they enable us to think about Him more and more. Please attend to sadhana assiduously and that should be the answer for all questions and apprehensions you have.

2. I am sorry you have had some problems which are generally called afflictions and misery. These occasions in fact really remind us of the goal of life and the importance of Divine in our life.

Emotions

1. When excitements and emotions die in a natural manner then balance in the real sense dawns. Regularity in practice leads to unflinching faith in the Master.

Gloominess and Dejection

1. Some days there is a feeling of dependency with no worry. However, on some days there is a feeling of despondence that I have not been able to improve as needed.
Never become despondent or gloomy. You have the company of Master and why should you feel despondent? You talked of Contentment earlier and it is better to reside in that plane.

More on Gloominess and Dejection:

1. Every person is a divine expression and it is for us to see divinity in all rather than point out what we consider as blemishes. Despair and despondency are poisons in spiritual life and in fact it means questioning the wisdom of the divine will.

Brooding

1. A feeling of lightness and like something is changing inside my mind and more tendency to introspection.
Introspection is good but it should be guided by parameters that are valid to this system and not alien. In the name of introspection we should also not encourage ourselves to the tendency of brooding because that is harmful in spirituality.

2. There have been occasions where certain thoughts and feelings as they pass, in meditation and other times of lower nature are uncomfortable. I have however started to feel that I am just an observer, like a container in which these experiences which are because of past samskaras are coming to pass. I am learning to bear with them as they pass trying not to be judgmental but at the same time not giving much attention to them in the sense of identifying with those thoughts. On these lines, I felt your thoughts on the recent seminar very relevant and very helpful.
Do not yield to the tendency of brooding; instead try to remember Him as much as you can.

More on Brooding:

1. Mistakes do happen in life and we should not brood over them always. Doing sadhana as prescribed is most important. But that you can do only when you understand the system well. So read the literature published by ISRC well and donot confuse yourself that you know every thing about the system.

Depression

1. I must also report that I am very depressed since few weeks. I first thought this had nothing to do with the spiritual work, but I'm not so sure of that now, as I have noticed this condition increases regularly every 15 days, following the sitting cycle. Living everyday life has become a burden which I just can't succeed to manage correctly, and at some moments, I just want to die so deep is my sadness. I have nothing more to add.
The feeling of resignation and/or what you call depression is bound to be there since there is a paradigm shift from materiality to spirituality taking place in the psyche in the spiritual progress. This is essential and one needs to cross ones’ boundary to know the universal. But there need not be any discussion on this matter because all these are matters of experience. The young man like you, I know, I cannot believe talks of wanting to ‘die’. Spiritual field is not for cowards and it is a game of lions amongst men. You are one such. Donot feel depressed or gloomy as we believe it is blasphemous to think so. Master is all merciful and benevolent and there is nothing wrong that can happen to one who yields to the divine.

2. This month could not do my sadhana properly. Eventhough wanted to do strictly according to the system, when the time came for doing, was doing exactly oppsite. I do not know why? You are kind enough to allow me to continue in the system. Otherwise would have gone and left the world long back. Your kindness alone is still making me to survive and continue. Happy with whatever I have. You know better what to do.
Despondency and depression should never be allowed to over take us. Instead of taking the position that you could not do sadhana properly donot you think you should only report what has been done and allow me to say whether it is proper or not? Attachment to body and persons around us are the only reasons for not following any system; but then to some extent or the other every one has this lapse. What is the sense in saying “I would have left the world”. I did not come by your option nor can you go by option. Learn to be more dependant on Master. What does it matter if we donot love Him; He any way loves us and that is enough. Be confident that you are not in such pathetic condition as you are imagining.

Negative Feelings / Negative Thoughts

1. These two months I had hell of trouble in my daily routine at home and my practice was effected. I admit that efforts in the journey towards the destination is inadequate due to inertia. I feel that am being tested. Firmness to reach the goal sometimes is firm and sometimes is struggling with situations.
Change your attitude and look at life positively. No one is being tested by God, it is the rubbish of religion to think so. It is our Karma that we go through and after all no one can change the Past deeds; one has to go through its results some how.

2. At times felt repentant that I kept myself impure with different habitual thoughts and actions. Felt determination to keep myself pure.
Never discourage yourself by giving negative suggestions and ideas. It is wiser to say I am becoming purer rather than I am becoming devoid of impurities.

3. During this period I noticed that I got up by the alarm to start my sadhana but several times I switched off and went back to bed thinking that I sleep for another 10 min. I always overslept those 10min and lost precious time. Now I could overcome this sloth thru my will and pranahuti. Most of the meditations this period continue to be "at surface". I felt that the morning puja this period is like routine. I feel that there is a slip in my devotion and love towards Master.
I repeat do not yield to negative thoughts. Be sure of Masters blessings and of your determination to reach the goal. In this system you will not stagnate at any point more than necessary. Continue your craving and it will yield results very naturally.

4. The general condition during the last weeks has been very anxious, then back to very mild.
Anxiety is always had against the background of some expectation. Expectation of the results of action is not a wise thing even as Lord Krishna asserted in his Gita.

5. I feel more courteous and level with others; I am very grateful for being alleviated of some grosser confinements of my ego. Yet superiority feelings are still there. For example, I do this (superior) practice, and others don’t know.
Look to the Master and refuse to look at others which prompts comparison.

Comparison

1. Comparing and consequent jealously and envy are totally unspiritual and unless you give up this bad tendency of mind consciously you will also be feeling discontented. You should atleast have confidence in the Master and be satisfied.

2. Comparisons are best avoided. Our orientation should always be Master only.