Truth is like a slap - not a kiss that is why it is often avoided. The writers on spirituality express their knowledge of the deceptions of ego as much as they know. Many however fail to give a clear idea into the how of self-inquiry, which would become self-awareness/enlightenment.

Writing on this subject is always difficult due to the fact there will be many an interpretation of what is written according to the nature of the readers.

If we will not be silent then it is almost impossible to realize who we are because silence reveals all that we are not, and then what remains becomes clear.

It may appear simplistic. We should be aware that our mind complicates things. As Master puts it 'turn your head and do not come back 'the reality is known. The truth is known just like that. It can be stated as "It is what it is". And that is all about it. But our mind wants forms/objects and strategies. It wants to grasp an object (unfortunately Reality is not an object) and use it to achieve something else - in this case, realisation (what ever our individual minds think about it- is an illusion.) Our own nature is not an object and neither is no-mind. Anything that is achieved will be lost. Knowing this still we want to achieve enlightenment or realisation and that is how we are quizzing ourselves.

Silence is not a form or strategy. We don't have to go anywhere to get it. In fact, it is where all noise is arising in, including the noise of the mind; it is the base on canvas. To inquire into it one leaves all forms and strategies behind. The problem of the aspirants who experience the silence or void or nothingness is that their Mind takes the experience of Silence or No mind and turn it into an object and then start evaluating the same. Now when are not being silent, we are in our ideas about it. Now we think we know when really we do not. This inquiry is not into silence, it is into what one "thinks about" silence or no-mind. If this is the case then we have missed and are lost in the mind. In one moment of no-mind all thought is gone and all evaluation and thoughts about everything including our identity is all gone. This is what I call 'imperience'. This is had thanks to the Grace of Master, every time we meditate at least for some time, but I wonder whether aspirants are not dismissing it totally as too obvious! I get often reminded of the proverbial blind man who does not know the value of the diamonds given to him and throws it as useless pebble.

I remember in the first years of my meditations in this system, when I was groping in darkness looking for I didn't know what. I committed myself to through daily meditations and within 6 months I had a phenomenal spiritual experience, a strong event in the body-mind. I felt forces and energies move within me. I came to know that this is Ajapa and was happy about that and also felt I had accomplished a lot. I also felt that I should be able to maintain these experiences and more particularly the bliss that was accompanying the same.

It was much later I understood that while my mind was obsessed with this new-found phenomena, the silent Being was there as it had always been. I was not noticing it because I was fixated on spiritual experiences and giving meaning to that. This is the wandering in the maze of the mind.

I sought out methods to achieve higher and more profound experiences and assiduously followed the Master under the guidance of my revered father. Somehow though the experience of silence was always there much attention was not given and I really included it under the idea of 'non-concentration concentration' or absorbency and failed to grant the silence any inquiry. As a result I did not notice that the sense of "I" that was motivating my seeking was only thought arising in limitless being. That the sense of 'I' was really Ego that was fooling me all the time, was not clear to me then. I might have saved myself 10 years of seeking had I but accepted totally without reservation, the Masters suggestion to 'ignore all the thoughts that arise as uninvited guests'. I see many others do this mistake and like to share this genesis of ego in our sadhana. Since I avoided this mistake of falling into understanding the conditions, I could really appreciate in the core of my being the various states of consciousness that were crossed before I entered into the state of inexplicable void. Void is the truth as we understand but void is void of ideas!

I am very careful with methods given to us by the Master and do not like any deviation from the given method. In fact the Masters method is asking us to remain Silent and it has taken into consideration the nature of mind that seeks something to tinker, so the excellent and impossible idea of 'light without luminosity' is given to us to meditate upon. If he had asked us to be silent, sure enough we will not be, and even though he had given us a form (that of course is formless) then still we are not silent. Therefore he had come to bless us with the idea of offering Pranahuti to assist us to become silent. He proclaimed himself to be a "Silencer" but who wants to be silent when he can make noise both inside and outside. Ego has its perennial dance which is loved more by itself than others.

The methods he has given us in the point A and point B meditation, purification process and prayer and above all the meditation practice grant us surely real benefits: they concentrate energy and stabilize the mind, by giving it something to chew on. As our mind tries to fixate on a form in meditation (in case of those who meditate on the form of the Master) or on the Divine light without luminosity, we notice that the form if at all comes and goes. We can not bring that form into no-mind or silence. Those forms are thought or mental constructs. If we do not dive deep into our absolute Being in Silence, then these forms that were initially meant to be helpful, in fact become our limits or boundaries beyond which we have no access thus we forfeit our freedom to grow into rarer and finer planes of consciousness.

Silence does not limit us and that is its charm. Being is not an object to be grasped. It is what we can't lose. What remains in the moment of no-mind during meditations is the question and is it is answered by Silence as Silence. One who delves deep into the Ocean of Silence understands that in the Court of the Divine questions have no place! Call it, if the mind still itches, Total Ignorance.

Being then continues in Love of what and who is not all that clear. It is my experience that Love is something that says 'No' on some occasions. When we do not get what we desire in meditation we should not think Master denied us the same. He only said No for the present. It does not mean we will never get that but only right now it is not a desirable thing for us. I once asked Master why not grant me the Ultimate realisation then and there itself and it was way back in early 1960s. He said he can but will not as I may not appreciate it and there is a time for everything. I understood the value of that sentence much later when I exhausted all other experiences.

Truth per se is not all that interesting: it has no charm, no excitement and no emotion. It is all dry and restlessness. I do not know whether it is pleasure to know reality: surely I do not like to leave the condition- it should be pleasure for the inner being otherwise why should I seek to continue in this dry and desperate condition. I find that my being in Master is respected and provided with work but I do find that I am not the only one liked by Him. The realm of comparison having been crossed the other is seen as me and this works only in the work of the Master. Otherwise all is Null and Void.

My initial commitments to do Masters work have left an indelible imprint on the core of my heart that I honour my commitment keeping control over what ever is left for me in life: it is no more a commitment to Master. It is a commitment to my own self that is being respected and honoured. The irrevocable and inseparable relationship I have with the Being is now set in the right and natural terms. The maturity in relationships which I worked for over years is now greatly rewarded: so does the mind say when out of Silence. But I find Silence is Love and Love is Silence.