13.Sri I. Chalapathi Rao

1. Introduction:

Understanding Reality through Experience: Reality is It is what it is. When we are in it we are not aware of ourselves nor we can describe it. This is the experience all of us in our Sadhana. This is something indescribable but something very simple because we are having this experience without our effort. It is the base for our existence. All the practicants of PAM should be ever grateful to the Master who made it possible for all us to have a touch with it atleast for some moments during our daily practice. While going through the article of Rev Dr KCV titled lecture 4 of Vol 1 of his complete works , where he says, " This order ( Om Tat Sat) cannot be changed. The order has not been understood. It is much worse in the case of poets. So they do not understand the significance behind OM TAT SAT. Unless you know that TAT, the SAT cannot be understood. The Pure Reality is without the modifications or changes or imperfections introduced into it by the observer, namely, yourself or the 'I'. If you think about and contemplate on OM TAT SAT, I would like to ask if you reached the second term before you reach the third term or have you known the first term atleast before the second term. Then how can you go to the third?" My understanding of this passage with regard to the three steps that he has mentioned are that the experience of Nothingness i.e Tat is had during meditation. This has to be contemplated so that it enables one to know about Reality (Sat). But the first step Om the primal vibration , This is the carrier / vehicle to that experience of Nothingness, Here I understood OM as the Means i.e the Meditation on Divine Light without Luminosity as an essential requirement to get into that state of Void (Tat). Therefore the practices given by the Master are the most vital aspect of sadhana and one should constantly check for himself whether one is correctly practicing or not by the experience of Nothingness.

2. Imperience (Reality) beckons: Once we have the experience of Nothingness in our meditation then a little analysis will reveal the following: Here I am trying to share some of my experiences in sadhana.

a) The memory of that experience had during meditation gets etched in the background and helps us to remain in Reality all through. Because of this what we find in our day to day experiences is that our thinking is right, the mind is clear, the decisions are judicious, our efficiency is reasonably good, mental disposition is one of cheerfulness, happiness and lightness. Our dealings are straight and plain and we exhibit confidence and courage. Our outlook is positive etc.

b) From the sadhana point of view we find our aspiration alive, we are raring to go for the next component of our practice, there is inclination and interest, we find meaningfulness to our existence, we find a sense of fulfillment, we are in the remembrance of the Master and are contended, the heart seeks to hear about Him, speak about Him. We find our will to reach the destination getting reinforced and determined. This is one phase of Sadhana. This is due to the propelling force of the Reality and its effect on us is really very real. Since our Nature is also same as that, we feel happy. This is a kind of a euphoric experience that no sadhaka can deny and all sadhakas remember it fondly and ardently and move forward in their journey very effortlessly. There is certain sense of ease and naturalness in the whole process that every sadhaka experiences.

c) There is another phase of Sadhana when we are taken over by slumber and slothfulness. Inertia is quite high and the mental state is one of enjoyment in worldly pleasures and disinterest in sadhana, disinclination to attend to satsangs etc. We find the condition very heavy and we tend to avoid sitting for meditation and even if we sit we do not feel the absorbency and feel quite disturbed. There is certain amount of indifference towards Sadhana. Some try to get engaged in other activities as busily as before while some feel bad, disgusted, helpless, irritable and get depressed. All these happen very suddenly and to get back to your prayer seat with the same enthusiasm may be take quite a while under different circumstances. When we are out of Reality we are surely in the company of satan and what is described above is the play of Satan. Dwelling in great length about this, Rev KCN in talk titled “ Gird up you Loins” during Basant 2000 celebrations and published in Bodhayanti parasparam- Vol 1. Rev KCN has exhorted in this manner. Really that article is very invigorating. I seek your kind permission to quote a Paragraph from that talk, "There are some abhyasis who make the statement that they are dejected or depressed at the fact they have been falling off the required practice, I must say there cannot be any other worse feeling to the progress in the path. They almost a make a virtue of repeatedly telling that they are worthless and totally incapable for the task and only the Master has to help them. I can only request such persons not to allow any discouragement to come upon them and have no distrust in the Masters' support. Whatever difficulties are beyond us, and whatever weakness that are inside us, be sure the power of the faith in the Master will carry us through. I exhort all the abhyasis that even if we feel oppressed with opposition and difficulties, even if we stumble and even when we feel that the way seems to be closed to keep the hold on the aspiration to reach the highest and have the faith in the Master. We shall find light at the end of the tunnel and all adverse circumstances yield to our will.

d) Satan acts on weaknesses. It is like some kind of an inner voice and it always justifies the reasons to be away from Reality. It looks so real that most of the times we are not aware of its sting for quite some time. Most of the time it acts at the mental level. First it weakens our will by creating contra thoughts and ideas and puts us into confusion. And the confusions is that we tend to think that the problem is at the physical level. So we give excuses that I am sick, I was busy, I was tired etc. But if we probe consciently then we can know clearly that we are lacking inclination towards sadhana at that particular point of time.

Personal experience of Satanic influences:

a) I was many times let down in sadhana by this kind of feeling. Once I was listening to a talk of Rev KCN, in that he was mentioning that because of the surfacing of some samskaras, sometimes our aspiration level gets dimmed and we feel disinclined. This knowledge helped me many a time to identify and nip the problem at the bud. Immediately, I used to resort to cleaning very assiduously and try attending daily satsangs regularly at our meditation centre. This helped me in getting rid of the feeling of disinclination and regain my interest in sadhana. At that time, If my family members or others talked about sadhana then I used to react in a very sharp manner telling that I know what I am doing. The ego would not let me think of the problem. Here the satan was the ego of mine which never allowed to heed to good counsel.

b) Many times, the brooding nature would get me bogged down so much that I could not settle well in meditation. The disturbing experience is never an incentive for next day meditation. Days used to Pass like this. I feel these kind of problems can tackled best by our trainers alone as they have helped me to overcome from this kind of intricacies. The Satan here was playing with my past samskaras, be it a avarana or be it a vikshepa. But in retrospective analysis it appears that the vikshepa is a breeding ground for brooding and the satan revels in that ground which is always marshy. It is but for the Master’s grace that I could be out of it.

c) In this regard I would like to share some of the liberating thoughts that struck to me during meditations also during pranahuti sessions which are all from the Master. They are as follows:

I) “I cannot handle this problem, You (the Master) alone can take me out of it” is the attitude. Yielding and falling flat, I think are one of the sure remedies to come out of the marshy problem.

II) Sometimes I used to get some thought, which used to trigger the brooding, then I used to disown the thought and say to Master that “this your thought, I cannot handle it on my own”, immediately I used to feel the relief. I think, if we try to own thoughts, ideas and things then we are most likely get into the hands of satan. Dedication of everything to Master is a very good way to be always in Reality.

III) Some of the imaginary notions and unfounded fears never allowed me to have an absorbed meditation. My mind used to work overtime. The thought that helped me was, “ I am what I am, You are what You are and It is as it is”. This thought would let me open myself and yield more. I feel, if we struggle ourselves then we may not succeed. Yielding to the Master works very well.

IV) Now I want to share some of the attitudes which came while the sadhana was going on very nicely. Feeling of complacency that I am doing very well. No regrets on missing cleaning or meditation or prayer sessions. Feeling that now i know something about the system and no opportunity is wasted in bragging about your knowledge, a feeling of supremacy. Feeling of over confidence leading to irreverential attitude. Feeling that I already know what the other abhaysis or trainer is speaking, a feeling of omniscience. A feeling of intolerance to others incompetent ways of working by getting blinded to our sphere of operation and fail to recognise that there so much to learn. A feeling that I am a better sadhaka and I have progressed more than others giving rise to superiority. Judgmental attitude towards others. Difficult to perceive and accept change in others after taking some stated position. Getting into reveries of some future glory. Reality is something, which is now and here always reminding our true status of a humbled devotee. It is living in present. All the attitudes stated above are either of some past actions or some future projections and that is the play of Satan.

Conclusion: I would like summarise as we feel and do when we are in touch with Realty and when we are in the company of Satan in this tabular fashion. The inspiration to think like this has been had from the self evaluation questionnaire developed by our Imperience: